Sydney Harbor Hospital: Zoe's Baby Read online

  Right now, he had the baby, wrapped in a blanket, in his arms. He didn’t notice Zoe’s glance because he was looking down at the child. And…he was smiling. He was also radiating an aura of calmness. As if it was nothing out of the ordinary to be holding a baby at the scene of a major accident. As if he was actually enjoying it.

  She was close enough to be able to hear if the baby was crying and she couldn’t hear even a whimper. Zoe wouldn’t have been the least bit surprised if she’d walked over there to find that the baby was smiling back up at him and, for some inexplicable reason that was irritating.

  ‘What’s the baby’s status?’ It came out almost as a snap.

  OK, maybe the reason wasn’t that inexplicable. How was it that this guy—who looked as if he was a rugby star or a bouncer at some night club or something—could make it look as if caring for a baby was easy. Fun, even, when she was a mother, for heaven’s sake, and that kind of calmness or pleasure was…unimaginable.

  It took an effort to tune in to what Tom was saying in response to her terse query.

  ‘All checked out fine. Totally protected by the car seat, probably, but he’ll need observing for a while. Teo says he’ll drop into ED as soon as he gets his car clear of this traffic jam and make sure he gets a thorough assessment.’

  Zoe turned away from the sight of the big man cuddling an uninjured child. She should thank him for his assistance but she had more important things to do for the moment and maybe she’d catch him later in the ED anyway. She checked the monitor display on the life pack as the helicopter crew secured it to the stretcher her patient was now strapped onto.

  ‘Let’s get moving,’ she said.

  ‘Hold up…’ A police officer was hurrying towards them. ‘This is her handbag. You might want her details. Her name’s Michelle Drew, aged 34.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Zoe took the bag. ‘Any next-of-kin details?’

  ‘We’re trying to contact her husband. We’ll direct him to the hospital. You going to the Harbour?’

  Zoe nodded, already moving to follow the crew. The stretcher was rolled swiftly to the back of the waiting chopper and then smoothly loaded. The doors were pulled shut and the rotor speed picked up until they lifted clear of the scene for the short run to the central city hospital.

  Zoe had to suppress a smile at the adrenaline rush of being airborne as she moved to help monitor this critically ill patient. The smile was still there inside, though, as she took a quick glance down at the scene they were leaving.

  She was more than ready for this kind of a party. She had missed this life so much.

  The mass of vehicles and people grew rapidly smaller as they gained height but one figure stood out from the rest. The big man with the baby still in his arms. He was looking up, she noticed, watching them take off.

  ‘Pressure’s still dropping,’ The voice came through the earphones in her helmet. ‘Zoe, can you see if you can get another line in?’

  By the time Teo walked back to where he’d parked his car on the motorway shoulder, the traffic was moving again. It took less than thirty minutes for him to get to a parking space at Sydney Harbour Hospital and walk into the state-of-the-art emergency department via the ambulance bay.

  The triage nurse, wearing a headset with earphones and a microphone, looked up from directing the latest ambulance arrival to smile at Teo. There were more smiles as he went into the department. He’d learned a long time ago that the medical staff on the front line appreciated that a head of department took an interest in patients from the moment they arrived and, whenever possible, Teo would answer a call for a consult from the paediatric department instead of sending a junior doctor.

  He went towards the glass board that had the ever-changing details of what patient was where. A glance to his left showed that the major trauma resuscitation area was crowded with staff. The bright red overalls of the helicopter rescue medics were on one side of the room as they observed what was happening with the patient that had to be the woman from the crushed car. His patient’s mother.

  Did that mean that the intensive care paramedic was still here as well? Zoe? He’d seen her leap into the helicopter. Superwoman. Directing a major incident one minute, crawling into a wrecked vehicle the next and then winging her way to the helipad here. Teo hadn’t missed what she’d been doing in between either. The intubation and chest decompression on that woman couldn’t have been easy procedures but they’d been done well and had undoubtedly saved a life.

  Zoe wasn’t in the resus area, however. He could see her standing quietly on one side of the huge glass board, scanning it for information. On the other side of the board, at the other end, were two other people, intently in conversation.

  Teo knew both of them. Finn Kennedy was a neighbour, of sorts. He had the penthouse in the Kirribilli View Apartments, a nearby complex that many of the staff, including Teo, lived in. Finn was also the director of surgery here at the Harbour and was probably as frequent a visitor to this department as Teo was, but he knew that Finn’s visits were far less welcome. No one could deny Finn’s brilliance but it came with a price. Only the ignorant or very confident would attempt to stand up to this man and the person talking to him right now was definitely in the latter category.

  Evie Lockheart, reputedly a rising star amongst the ED doctors, was also a resident at Kirribilli View, where she shared an apartment with another junior doctor, Mia McKenzie. Teo would have known about her anyway, however, because her family had the status of royalty around this place. Evie was the great-granddaughter of the man who had founded this hospital and, according to the rumour mill, it was now her father’s generous contributions that kept the Harbour amongst the most prestigious teaching hospitals in Australia. Teo had heard that there was no love lost between Finn and Evie but what he was seeing right now made him pause.

  ‘Send her to CT first,’ Finn was saying. ‘I’ll have a theatre free in thirty minutes. It’ll take that long to see what you’re dealing with.’

  ‘It’ll take less time than that for her to crash. She’s got a haemothorax that’s barely under control. We’re losing fluid as fast as we can load it. There’s an arterial bleed going on in there. She’s lost the pulse in her right arm and she could lose the limb if we can’t get in and deal with the damaged artery. Now, Mr Kennedy, not in thirty minutes.’

  ‘And what is it, exactly, that you want from me, Dr Lockheart?’

  What indeed? It wasn’t the conversation that was piquing Teo’s interest. It was more the way they were standing.

  Too close?

  Or maybe it was the way they were looking at each other. If he didn’t know better, he’d think that that kind of eye contact was about something a lot less professional than juggling a theatre queue. It was ridiculous but it was making him feel like he was eavesdropping on a private conversation. Maybe he should step away. But Zoe was here. Was she listening too? A sideways glance seemed to coincide with exactly the same movement from the paramedic. For a split second they held the eye contact and he knew they were on the same wavelength. Teo stepped closer.

  ‘I’ve just come in to check on the baby,’ he said quietly. ‘Do you know where he is?’

  They both turned back to scanning the board. The department was clearly very busy. Dozens of boxes were filled with the scrawl of marker pen.

  The voices on the other side of the board were fainter now.

  ‘But didn’t one of your recent edicts stipulate that there would always be a theatre kept free for emergencies from this department?’

  Evie Lockheart wasn’t a short woman. In the heels she was wearing now, she was only a few inches shorter than Finn’s six feet or so. And the way she was holding herself at this moment made her seem even taller.

  ‘There is. You’re using it. Plus one of mine for that ruptured spleen you sent up ten mi
nutes ago.’

  ‘You’ve got a patient in Theatre 5 who’s about to go in for an elective procedure that could easily wait. They haven’t started the anaesthetic and they’re standing by for a green light from you to set up for Michelle Drew.’ To her credit, Evie wasn’t sounding smug. In fact, she seemed to have just the right note of reason and deference in her voice. She also sounded extremely persuasive.

  Finn wasn’t about to be a soft touch for anyone, especially a pretty young woman. His body language was defensive, to say the least . Was Evie about to have her head bitten off in public for interfering with his job? It hadn’t been that long ago, in the wake of a discussion about funding cuts, that Teo had heard Finn make some disparaging comment about applying for a few more of the Lockheart millions seeing as their princess was currently a member of staff. But while Finn was giving Evie a glare that could have shrivelled steel, he was far too professional to lose his temper in here.

  ‘Fine,’ he snapped. ‘I’ll sort it.’

  Evie’s smile lit up her face. ‘Fantastic. Thank you so much, Dr Kennedy.’ She whirled away from him, heading back to the trauma resus area.

  Finn stared at her back for a moment longer before swinging away himself, to head for the nearest telephone.

  ‘Um…’ Zoe cleared her throat beside Teo. ‘I think your patient’s in cubicle 4. Look…eleven-month-old boy from MVA. His name is Harry.’

  ‘Cool. I’ll go and see what they’ve found.’ He lowered his voice. ‘I might need to pull a few strings and get the little guy admitted.’

  ‘Why would you do that?’

  Teo didn’t have a chance to answer as a nurse came up to the board with an eraser and a pen. She filled in an empty slot to show that a patient had just come back from CT.

  ‘That was the woman from your scene,’ she told Zoe. ‘Good job you immobilised her. She’s got cracked vertebrae C4 and 5. Could have ended up quadriplegic if they’d been displaced.’ Then she smiled. ‘Hi, Teo. We heard you were involved in a bit of action. Your baby’s in cubicle 4 if you want to go and see him.’

  ‘Thanks.’ Teo returned the smile. ‘And it’s only a rumour, Louise. I’m not really the father.’

  Louise giggled. Zoe didn’t even smile. In fact, she was staring at him as if that tiny bit of flirting was just as unprofessional as the spat they’d overheard between Finn and Evie.

  Suddenly, it seemed important to do some damage control. ‘You’re Zoe, aren’t you?’

  ‘Yes. Zoe Harper.’

  ‘We didn’t get the chance for a proper introduction, did we?’ He held out his hand and gave her his best smile. ‘I’m Teo Tuala.’

  Her expression softened. ‘And I didn’t get the chance to thank you for your assistance.’ Her hand was surprisingly soft. And small. It disappeared completely within his huge, brown paw. Teo gave it a gentle, friendly squeeze and let go.

  Behind them, a team of people was swiftly manoeuvring the bed that Michelle Drew lay on towards the internal doors and the lift that would take her up to Theatre.

  ‘How’s she doing?’ Teo asked.

  ‘Touch and go. She really does need to get into surgery.’ Zoe was watching his face. ‘Why did you say that you’d find a way of admitting the baby even if he didn’t need it?’

  Teo rubbed the side of his nose. ‘That’s not what I said.’

  ‘It sounded like it was what you meant.’

  He smiled at her again. ‘OK, I confess. I want to make sure he’s got family to go to while his mum’s in here. It’s no secret that I’m not a fan of foster-care.’

  Zoe’s gaze flicked away. She was looking over his shoulder. ‘Tom. You ready to hit the road?’

  ‘Absolutely. Hi, Teo. You’ll be happy to know that little Harry’s been cleared. His dad’s on the way here now. And his grandma, apparently.’

  ‘Couldn’t be happier,’ Teo nodded. ‘I’ll go and see him now before I get any later for my rounds. Good to meet you both.’

  Zoe watched him walk away, heading for cubicle 4.

  She was trying very hard to suppress a niggly sensation in her gut that had the potential to undermine how good her first day back at work had been promising to be.

  She recognised the niggle all too well.

  Guilt, that’s what it was.

  Good grief… Teo Tuala was prepared to cross professional boundaries if necessary to prevent a child going into temporary foster-care.

  What would he think if he knew that she had considered foster-care as an option for her own child?

  That she’d gone even further than that and considered giving up her child for adoption?

  He’d think she wasn’t fit to be a mother.

  And maybe she’d have to agree with him.

  CHAPTER TWO

  ‘OH…no!’

  The baby’s face puckered in dismay at the tone of Zoe’s voice. Hastily, she picked her up and held her, patting the tiny back. ‘It’s OK, Emma. Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.’ She alternated the pats with some soothing circles. ‘Come on, we’ll find a clean suit for you and we can still be on time for our appointments.’

  It took no time at all to find what she needed in Emma’s room. Stretchy suits and singlets were folded and sorted according to size and colour in the dresser drawers. The change table was clean to the point of sterility with the wipes, creams and disposable nappies neatly encased in the plastic partitions of the slide-out drawer.

  ‘No more spit-ups,’ Zoe commanded, snapping the fasteners on the clean, pink suit.

  Emma waved chubby fists and grinned up at her mother. Zoe sighed but stretched out to smooth back wisps of golden hair from the baby’s forehead. ‘At least you look like someone really loves you.’

  Zoe loved her. She did. The only problem was that the realisation was in her head and not in her heart. She knew she loved her daughter. She just couldn’t feel it.

  There was no time to change her own shirt. Zoe dabbed at the milky stain with a wet cloth and then abandoned the attempt. Emma had an appointment at the paediatric clinic for a routine check-up. Zoe had an appointment with her psychologist, John Allen, which was hopefully also routine but being late for either appointment was not an option. She had to convince everybody that things were going brilliantly on the home front otherwise John might change his mind about it being a good idea for her to be back at work part time.

  And it might have been only a few days since she’d started work again but Zoe already knew that it was the way forward for both herself and Emma. She wouldn’t survive being a full-time mother on her own. Not now, when she’d been reminded of the person she’d once been. Not while the memories were still so fresh of how hard it had been in the mothering unit when she’d had support available 24/7.

  With the confidence that stepping back into her old life for limited periods was providing, she was getting stronger. She could leave her failures behind her when she was on the road and, when she was at home, she could go through the motions of being a perfect mother and only she knew that she was counting the hours until she could be away from her child again.

  Besides, she wanted to be a mother that someone could be proud of. There was nothing wrong with that, was there?

  Emma’s car seat had a handle with several brightly coloured toys attached by elastic cords. When the soft toys were tugged they made noises. The yellow duck quacked and the lime-green frog croaked. The cow bell was proving popular this morning and it jingled at regular intervals as Zoe drove towards Sydney Harbour Hospital. The noise could have become irritating but Zoe had other things to worry about.

  Pulling up at a set of traffic lights, she checked the nappy bag on the passenger seat beside her. Had she remembered the bottle of formula? After spitting up half her breakfast, Emma could well be hungry
again by the time they got to the paediatric clinic’s waiting room. The last thing Zoe needed was having to try and cope with a fractious baby under the watchful gaze of all the other mothers who would be there.

  Mothers who would probably all be like that dreadful support group John had talked her into going to on one occasion. Women who adored their babies and knew what they were doing. Women who never ever felt an inkling of the panic and despair that Zoe had lived with every day since Emma’s birth five months ago.

  Before that, even. Well before that. Right back in the earliest stages of this whole nightmare when she had agonised over whether even to continue with the pregnancy or not. And when it had all become too much and James had simply walked away. Not that she could blame him. They’d been doing no more than dating casually when she’d become pregnant and while they’d tried to make a go of a relationship, there had been no way James was cut out to deal with the emotional wreck Zoe had morphed into.

  Just like her mother.

  Oh…rubbish. Zoe parked the car and made a determined effort to park that train of thought at the same time. If she didn’t she might blurt something out in her session with John and that would be worse than having Emma screaming inconsolably in the waiting room. She wasn’t going to discuss her mother with anyone. She wasn’t even going to allow herself to think about her.

  The waiting area was packed to the gills this morning. The place was cluttered with prams and strollers, toddlers fighting over the rather sad collection of toys available and babies crying. One distressed infant was pacified quickly by the offer of a breastfeed and Teo smiled at the mother.

  Another baby was crying more loudly. Teo took a glance over his shoulder before he disappeared into the examination room.

  And then he paused with his hand halfway to pushing the door open and took another look.